July 7, 2013
September 12, 2012
July 21, 2012
February 20, 2012
...there must be a glitch in our help desk software.
February 9, 2012
May 21, 2011
The IT Crowd. "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
How come a blog about Help Desk Humor never mentioned "The IT Crowd"?
Here comes
Here comes
March 14, 2011
"Run under Windows"
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The Tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman responded,
"No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
The Tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman responded,
"No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
February 8, 2011
July 10, 2010
July 9, 2010
Actual help desk phone conversations
Below given are True telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the World:
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry .
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left ?
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?
Male Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill Gates damn it !
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the omputer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?
Customer: No.
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard ?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work !
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?
Customer: Five stars.
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me ?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?
Helpdesk: How may I help you ?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it ?
via adeleide
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry .
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left ?
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?
Male Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill Gates damn it !
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the omputer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?
Customer: No.
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard ?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work !
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?
Customer: Five stars.
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me ?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?
Helpdesk: How may I help you ?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it ?
via adeleide
June 29, 2010
June 11, 2010
US Air Force tech support
"Squawks" are problems noted by U. S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P) = Problem
(S) = Solution
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.
(P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
(S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.
(P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.
(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problems on ground.
(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for.
(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.
(P) Suspected crack in windshield.
(S) Suspect you're right.
(P) Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
(S) Took hammer away from midget
(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right," and be serious.
(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words
via: http://wilk4.com/humor/humore13.htm
(P) = Problem
(S) = Solution
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.
(P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
(S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.
(P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.
(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problems on ground.
(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for.
(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.
(P) Suspected crack in windshield.
(S) Suspect you're right.
(P) Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
(S) Took hammer away from midget
(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right," and be serious.
(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words
via: http://wilk4.com/humor/humore13.htm
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